I'll Walk Through Hell with You
by AtLoLevad
Summary: An accident while on a call shakes Jamie to his core. Eddie just wants to comfort him.


"Get down," Jamie muttered, crouching behind the front of the squad car.

Eddie huffed a little, but complied and crouched down. "Why is it that we get called to a scene right when I start to eat?"

Jamie knew that Eddie was setting up a joke to lighten the mood. He knew the punch line she wanted to hear ("Because you're always eating."), but he could only focus on the man in front of them, waving a semiautomatic gun in the doorway of the bodega.

"NYPD!" He shouted. "Put the gun down and we can talk!"

The man let out a blood-curdling scream and continued to wave the semiautomatic. Eddie winced at the noise and ducked further down.

"You think dispatch would've mentioned it was an EDP," she grumbled, shifting so she could see over the trunk of the car.

Jamie shook his head, "I don't want to shoot him, but I don't know how we're going to get the gun away."

A gunshot pierced the air as he finished talking.

"Shit," Jamie shouted, ducking down as the bullet hit the side of the car. Eddie startled and looked over at Jamie.

"Are you okay?"

He nodded. "I'm fine. But we've got to get the gun away before he hurts someone."

Another round of gunshots forced Jamie and Eddie to peer over their car. Jamie squinted against the mid-afternoon sun and caught a glimpse of light catching on a shield.

"NYPD!" Two voices came from inside the bodega.

A distinctly female voice continued shouting, "Put down the gun! We don't want to hurt you!"

Jamie and Eddie shared a brief grin, recognizing Kara Walsh's loud voice.

Kara's command hadn't worked any better than Jamie's and the perp fired off another shot. Jamie and Eddie poked their heads over the car and assessed the situation.

Jamie frowned deeply when he realized that a shoot-out was probably the only way out of this situation. He couldn't - wouldn't - risk any of their lives by trying to talk the man down. Not when he was so clearly mentally ill. There were definitely situations where he would have talked the man down and taken the gun without a fight. But Jamie had also been on the job long enough to know that this wasn't one of those times.

Eddie tapped his arm briefly. "I hope to God you're not planning something stupid," she muttered when he looked over at her.

"Nah," Jamie gave a small, lopsided smirk. "The opposite actually. I was going to try and hit an arm or leg to incapacitate him. Maybe then we can get the semi away from him and get him to a hospital."

"Good," Eddie replied shortly. "I don't feel like waiting at the hospital, again."

Jamie shot her an apologetic look and motioned for her to pop over the hood of the car. They leaned over the side and started firing off shots. After a few seconds hesitation, Kara and her partner joined in.

During the chaos, the man started firing his own weapon and Jamie prayed that the stray bullets wouldn't hit any of them. A quick glance around showed that the other shop owners nearby had been smart enough to close their doors and stay back.

Suddenly, the spray of bullets stopped and the man went down to the ground, landing with a resounding thud.

"Hold your fire!" Jamie shouted. He prayed that it was just a superficial wound. He and Eddie carefully crept out from behind the car. Rushing forward, Eddie kicked the gun away from the man's slack hand. He wasn't moving very much, but Jamie could clearly see that he was still breathing, despite the small amount of blood forming under his body. It looked like he had taken a hit or two to the arm and leg. The doctors could patch him up quickly. Jamie called out a bus anyway.

Eddie shouted as he jolted up and cracked her across the face with a clenched fist.

"Shit!" She cursed, wrangling her handcuffs onto his wrists.

"You okay?" Jamie asked, helping her haul the guy to his feet. The man shouted and tried to kick at both of them.

"Fine," Eddie replied tersely, blood pouring from her nose. Jamie winced; it was probably broken.

"Come on," she snapped at the perp, yanking him towards their squad car where they'd wait for the ambulance. "Check on Kara and Cade," she tossed over her shoulder at Jamie, scowling at the man who'd just broken her nose. .

Jamie jogged over to the entrance to the bodega, sidestepping the splatters of blood and bullets on the ground.

"Kara? Cade?" He called the two other officers' names. And stopped short when he saw them.

Cade Alexander was on his knees, hands moving rhythmically up and down, trying to restart Kara Walsh's heart.

"No, no, come on Kara. Come on," he muttered angrily.

The ever-growing pool of blood under Kara's body made the blood drain from Jamie's face. He fumbled for his radio with numb fingers and barked an order for the ambulance to come faster.

"What happened?" Jamie asked, dropping to his knees and holding his hands against the bullet wound on Kara's upper shoulder.

"Stray bullet," Cade said shortly. "She went down and I didn't realize until she was already passed out. Fuck, she's lost a lot of blood."

He was right. The pool of blood was growing and Kara's face was nearly white. Her breathing was barely there and Jamie knows, he just knows, that the ambulance is not getting there in time.

* * *

Eddie knocked gently on Jamie's apartment door. "Jamie? You in there?"

No answer.

Eddie sighed heavily and rested her forehead against the cool wood; being careful not to let her broken and bruised nose get hit. She knew her partner was in the apartment; he hadn't left for almost a week.

Ever since he had learned it was his bullet that killed Kara.

Friendly fire, of course. But fire, nonetheless.

Tears sprang to Eddie's eyes as she thought about it. The suspicion, the investigation, the result. God, it was all too much. Jamie's face had caved in on itself as Renzulli had pulled him to the side, the grim expression on his face the only confirmation the partners needed.

That had been the last time Eddie had seen Jamie. Now a week had passed and Jamie was still ignoring all of her efforts to reach him.

"Jamie, please," she pleaded, her fingers curled against the door. "I want to help. Your family is so worried."

Danny and Erin had reached out to her to see if Eddie was able to pull Jamie out of his self-imposed isolation, since they hadn't had any success.

Not that Eddie was faring any better.

"Jamie!" Her voice cracked on a sob. "Kara was my friend too! You can't shut yourself away. I need you."

Hot tears rolled down her cheeks and she banged on the door. "Jamie Reagan! You can't shut me out. I'm hurting too. We're all hurting!"

Her tears fell faster and Eddie's hand dropped back to her side. She shook and slid down to sit on the floor, her back leaning against the tightly shut door. Eddie wrapped her arms around her bent knees and dropped her head, choking on her tears.

On the other side of the door, Jamie's heart broke further as Eddie's muffled sobs penetrated the wood. His spot on the couch gave him the perfect vantage point to hear her. He hated himself that he couldn't even let her in.

* * *

Two days later, Eddie returned to Jamie's apartment, fresh tear tracks on her cheeks, but a determined glint in her eyes.

Clutching the spare key she had gotten from Danny, Eddie knocked forcefully on the door. "I'm not leaving this time, Jamie. Either you open this door, or I'm opening it myself."

She counted, impatiently, to twenty, giving Jamie plenty of time to open the door. When he didn't, she jammed the key into the lock and pushed against the door with her shoulder.

Eddie stumbled into the apartment and frowned when she saw the state of it and its owner. The place was a mess. Papers and cushions were everywhere; it looked like Jamie had gone into a fit of rage and trashed the place.

"Oh, Jamie," Eddie murmured. She didn't immediately see her partner, so she assumed he was in his bedroom. She padded down the hallway, picking up bits and pieces as she went.

Jamie's bedroom door was shut tightly. If he could have locked the door, Jamie would've. He settled for shutting it and burying himself under sheets and blankets.

Not that it helped. The silence and relative darkness only gave him space to think, to picture his bullet slicing through Kara's heart. He felt like vomiting every time he thought about it.

Eddie's careful steps broke the suffocating silence enveloping Jamie.

"Jamie," she said his name cautiously, tentatively. "Let me help. Let me in."

He grunted angrily. Why bother? He was damaged, a cop killer. She shouldn't associate with him. Jamie didn't want to associate with himself.

The covers were yanked from his body and there was Eddie, backlit by the sun and looking like an avenging angel.

"The pity party has to stop, Jamie," she said, not unkindly. Her hand rested carefully on the mattress, inches from his leg. She wanted so badly to reach out and comfort him with a touch. Instead she curled her fingers into a loose fist and bit her lip.

Jamie looked terrible, Eddie sighed to herself. The purple circles under his eyes were nearly black, his sharp cheekbones were even more pronounced with weight loss and made him look gaunt, his hair was messy and his beard was reaching unattractive lengths.

"S'not pity," he mumbled.

Eddie giggled, "He speaks!"

Then seriously, "Jamie, I know you're hurting. But this is...this is...it's...you're going to waste away here!"

Jamie looked at her, "I killed one of our friends, Eddie. I should just hand in my badge and be done with it all."

"Jamie," Eddie's eyes softened with pity. "It was an _accident_. You couldn't have known. You didn't do it on purpose! Kara wouldn't have wanted..."

"Eddie! Just shut up!" Jamie snapped. He felt a brief twinge of regret when Eddie recoiled, a shocked look on her face. But he couldn't help himself and kept talking, "You don't understand."

"Then help me understand!" She snapped back, stepping forward again. "We don't want to see you hurting, Jamie!"

Tears that had become ever-present ran down Jamie's cheeks. He didn't deserve anyone's help.

"Jamie..." Eddie sighed his name and kneeled on the bed. She reached out to grip his arm. "Please."

He didn't answer and she felt tears well up in her eyes again. Eddie just wanted her partner, her friend back. Kara's death was an accident and it was hurting her as much as it was hurting Jamie.

"Just..." Jamie mumbled, "Just leave, Eddie."

"Not gonna happen, Reagan," Eddie murmured, hesitating briefly before kicking off her sneakers and climbing into bed next to Jamie. She pressed her front against his back and wrapped an arm around his waist. The only thing that kept her from pressing her nose in between his shoulder blades was the fact that it was still broken and painful.

Jamie resisted her at first, but eventually relaxed into her and twisted his fingers with Eddie's.

"You don't have to talk now," Eddie whispered. "But you need to know that I'm here for you no matter what. I need you to know that, Jamie."

He didn't answer, so Eddie kept talking.

"Whatever you're going through," she sighed, "I'm going to be right by your side through all of it. I really care about you, Jamie Reagan. I'm not letting you drag yourself through hell. Not without putting up a fight."

In response, Jamie's fingers tightened around Eddie's.

* * *

 _A/N: I've been working on this one for a while, I've been busy and it's been hard to write since I don't really have an y inspiration lol. But, this came out sort of close to what I wanted it to come out as._

 _Let me know what you think! :)_


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